May 27, 2011

My spirit is heavy yet it smiles.

I just finished packing for my last family vacation until August when I return to the states. Reality is beginning to set in that I leave for Costa Rica in 10 days. I have a whole mix of emotions running through me, and to be quite honest I’m not too sure what to think right now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very much so excited…just not quite sure what to think about it all.

Over the past couple of weeks my spirit’s really been hit hard. It’s very normal and quite often that I deeply miss my family and kids in Mexico, especially my Oinesto and Sol√≥me. Last week I had a conversation one morning with a friend regarding Mexico and when I would be able to go back and see my precious family and kids there. That same day, while out running errands I received a message informing me that the mountains of Bustamante, where my family and kids live, were on fire, literally. In Bustamante they have no means of putting out a fire in general, much less one that has consumed the mountains. As soon as I read the message the tears started streaming. It absolutely killed me knowing that the mountains that were less than a mile from the homes of my family and kids were consumed in flames and they had no way of stopping it and I had no way whatsoever to help them other than to just pray my little heart out for them. The next morning I received an email from my “dad” down there with pictures attached of the mountains that were on fire and the village smothered in smoke. My heart broke. Tears streamed. A couple of days passed and during those days the mountains continued to burn and smoke continued to consume the villages and my family and kids were still unable to leave. The only thing that would stop the mountains from burning was physical rain, and they haven’t seen rain in many months, so hoping for rain felt like hoping for the Easter bunny to become real. Obviously I knew that my God was way bigger than mountains consumed in flames, and my little heart cried and cried longing for my God to bring rain. After a couple of days had passed I received a message letting me know that the mountains were still burning, but that the fire was under control and that the villages were safe. Let’s just say…I had a slight PRAISE JESUS party when I read that message! As of now, the mountains are no longer burning and all of the villages are safe. Cattle and vegetation were the only things lost during the fires, but each of those can be replaced over time. My spirit smiled knowing that my God had showed His greatness to my family and kids there along with the others in Bustamante.

This past Tuesday my spirit was hit hard again. I received a message Tuesday morning informing me that all of the ministers of Bustamante were heading into town for a District Council meeting when 40 of them were kidnapped. They were eventually released unharmed, and they all headed back towards Bustamante. My heart broke when I read that message… they truly are facing persecution for His namesake. Thankfully they were all released unharmed, but there is still the possibility of the cartel eventually entering the actual villages. If the cartel does eventually enter into the villages my Oinesto and his family will be a huge pinpoint for them along with several others there. Not only does Oinesto's family share the gospel to those around them, but they are also considered “wealthy” by those in the area, causing them to be a huge target for the cartel. Meaning they could easily end up kidnapped or miserably killed. My heart has prayed and prayed and prayed, and I have wept and wept over this, praying like crazy that the cartel would NEVER enter into the villages and that the hand of my MIGHTY God would cover them completely. I beg and plead with you to please pray with me in this, that our God would cover not only my family and kids, but each individual of Bustamante, Mexico with His hand, and that He would protect them from any and every form of danger that may come their way.

My spirit is still heavy and broken. I can’t get Bustamante and especially my Oinesto off of my mind…my heart longs to see my Oinesto again soon. Knowing that I won’t be able to for a while is hard to grasp, but I know that in His timing I will see my precious Oinesto again.

On top of all that’s taken place with Mexico and family there, I’ve also had to think about Costa Rica and getting things ready to leave in 10 days. Talk about stressful. Yet, I have found rest in knowing that my God will be with me each step of the way every single day. There’s no doubt in my mind that I will face difficult moments over the next several months, while in Costa Rica, but through it all He is with me. More than those moments of difficulty are the cross and His love, which causes us to long and yearn after His heart, a heart that genuinely loves, a heart that goes forth even unto the most desolate and barren lands, a heart that will run face first into persecution and destruction...I pray that as I encounter moments of difficulty that I look upon His face and allow Him to carry me through, giving me strength that only He can give...I pray that as I "go into all the world" over the next several months that my spirit would grow even deeper in our God...I pray that I would suffer for His name sake...I pray that my heart is completely broken over the very things that break the heart of our God...I pray that His love gushes forth out of me, consuming those all around me...I pray that I daily crave to share His name and His love....I pray that a longing and yearning for our God unlike any other would completely overtake me...that my spirit would cry out for more and more and more of our God...that I would continually crave for our God...that not a second would go by that I’m not longing for Him...that as I long and yearn for more and more of Him I also yearn and long to love those around me with a love so genuine that only He can explain...I pray that I am NOT seen throughout the next several months... I pray that ONLY HE IS SEEN...NOT me… SOLEY HIM! He is beautiful. He is mighty. He is sovereign.

“May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.”- Galatians 6:14